Asphalt Jungle

My son is learning the rules of the game out on the concrete courtyard where recess is held. So far he hasn't been abused too badly, but given enough challenges to make me want him to leave public school forever. Let me say that any previously held convictions like, public school is important, goes right out the virtual window where your child is concerned. In the beginning of school he told me a boy from another class hit him for no reason. Hmm. This was of concern to me since I couldn't imagine why my son was being singled out. And being a neurotic mother, I spoke to his teacher about the incident.

I've noticed a few things about this school, which was rated an A by the Mayor's standards. It is a good enough school, mostly a neighborhood school. The stream of parents and kids walking down 20th Street in the mornings attests to this school's dominance in this neighborhood. Such a thing never happened in LA where neighborhood schools were forgotten by everyone except those too poor or too unaware to find something better. And the idea of walking your child to any school, even if the school were only two blocks away, was never a consideration for anyone. To be able to walk my son the short block to school has been a welcome change compared to the half hour drive that I had done for so long in LA.

For a New York City school, the lack of real diversity of the school community was a bit of a shock. The student body seemed dominated by the strongholds of Stuyvesant Town, mostly a white, middle class enclave where the rent controlled apartments are passed down from one generation to another. I believe some of my son's classmates are the second generation living in their apartment. With ridiculously low rents, most families have bought second homes in places like the Poconos, the Catskills, and the Jersey Shore. I know, romantic, you say.

The few students of color I did notice seemed to be kids already labeled as "special". I was told in confidence by a mother in my son's class that one of the two black girls in the class (they are the only black students aside from my son's status as biracial) lived in a homeless shelter. Hmm.. No one likes to mention her docility, probably personality driven, but most likely a result of having lived a chaotic life where pleasing others is a survival skill. Or the fact that she is one of the smartest in the class. Whether or not she will be able to get the kind of education she deserves is an unknown, all driven by factors that she had no hand in creating. The other black student in the other Kindergarten class is a boy, who is already labeled as a problem. The first time I saw him was when he was sprawled in the middle of the hallway, mopping the floor with his body, regardless of the various attempts by parents to get him to stand up. It was nearly impossible to not notice that there was something very wrong. Some of it may have been his personality, but I'm certain more had to do with whatever challenges he faced at home. So, you can imagine my shock when my son told me casually that this boy was now chasing him at recess and was terrorizing him. What could a mother do, but to have a serious talk with his teacher about this matter?

It seems he is a 'special' child in a program for kids that are being bused in from other areas. And that he is in need of special care, code word for a child who will be in and out of the system for the rest of his life. My son's teacher conveyed all of this to me not directly, but in the innuendos of what she was avoiding to say outright. The irony of my son's first hard lesson about life on an asphalt jungle coming from a black boy was not lost on me. This issue of color is a touchy subject for him since I don't think he sees himself in that boy. Nor does he see himself in the rest of his white peers. No doubt it will be an interesting life for him as he continually finds himself as unique, different, unlike any other.

If all goes according to plan, our son will be attending a cosseted, private school where such incidents shouldn't occur at all. How could they after the rigorous screening process each student and family undergoes to be admitted to attend their institution? I'm sure the asphalt jungle at these schools will be no less scary, but just different. I suspect I won't be as afraid about his physical safety as I will be about his emotional life. There may be less chasing down of their targets, but the fire coming from words, taunts, teasing. Oy vey, it's enough to make me want to home school him, forever relegating him to a lifetime of being regarded as weird, different, exotic.