Our son, who is not only biracial, but also bi cultural, is displaying unexpected anxieties about being the mixture that he is: Korean and Black. I can't imagine the confusion for him since there are so few people in the world that are like him. My husband I always knew what a complication our love would result for our child, but yet I don't think either of us truly understood the scope of it all. We are trying to raise him with an understanding and appreciation for both his 'ancestors,' one of his favorite words to place himself into some context that is comprehensible. We are, all of us, always placing ourselves into some context. And how much of that is successful or not is based largely on your family and how it honors those traditions that defines the meaning of culture and family.
For my son, this understanding of his cultural baggage occurs through food and language. He is an adept eater of both Asian and Soul food. His comprehension of being half Korean is largely about food. I'm to blame since my own knowledge of my culture is centered around food more than anything else. The other ways in which he tries to understand himself is through language: English at home, obviously, and Korean, well, Korean at Tae Kwon Do. It is a personal regret I didn't become more proficient in Korean, an oversight or neglect, largely due to my parent's wish to have me be as assimilated as possible. When my son asks whether I can count to a 100 in Korean, I am saddened to admit that I don't know how.
Even in a city as diverse as New York, we, our family, still draw stares of curiosity. We are the 'exotic,' 'interesting,' family pretty much every where we go. This subtle, sometimes not so subtle, objectification is now commonplace for each of us. I try to do what I can to shield my son from it, but I know he is taking it all in unconsciously. My husband and I have our individual experiences of being a specific color or ethnicity. But even these experiences can't compare to what our child is, and will, experience in his lifetime. When I get too overwhelmed by it all, I try to draw comfort from the fact that he is a happy, for now, child with the normal worries of someone his age. And on a good day, my delusion about the simplicity of his worries prevents me from spiraling downward. Of late, there are more good days than bad. I assume as he gets older, it will be harder to ignore the complexities he faces each day as the blended child born out of hope and love.
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About 10 years ago I met a girl who was then 18, and her mother was Korean and her father was black. She was beautiful! Unique looking, yes. Apparently everyone was always asking her classy questions like, "What are you?" but she seemed to take them all in stride and seemed balanced about the whole thing. I asked her once if she felt more a part of either heritage. After thinking for a moment she gave an interesting answer, which was that as she was going to play basketball in college she ended up marking down on her application something like that she was African American, for some kind of benefits related to basketball. But she seemed a little unhappy about that, and found it limiting. I did notice that while she was friendly with everyone, her closer friends were usually black. But there was virtually no one of Asian descent in our community there at that time. I'm sure your son will be balanced on it too, but may perhaps feel closer to either side of his heritage if his friends are more of one than another.
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