Anniversary--September 11th

The anniversary of that horrific event, the demarcation for so many of us of life before and after, is fast upon us. The changes that day brought to the city, and to the entire country, will take years to dissect. And now, living so near ground zero gives me pause in a way that is less an abstraction than when I was across the country. Today as I walked down 5th Avenue past the Empire State Building, I couldn't help but think this moment could be when I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. As a New Yorker, you can't help but accept that this city will again be a target for those that hate what our country stands for, its excesses, its bravado, its mythology, its opportunism, its size and power. I realize you can't live life afraid, holding one's breath for the inevitable. But this sense of waiting for the impending disaster was less an aspect of every day life in Los Angeles.

It seemed, and seems, unlikely terrorists would attack anything in LA or any of its institutions, cultural or financial. The Disney Hall is spectacular, but it is too much a regional cultural icon, and in essence not even an icon due to its newness. It doesn't, nor will it ever, capture the imagination of the entire country the way the Empire State Building continues to despite its age. Despite the ego of the Hollywood industry, it seems unlikely that tourists would aim their targets at any of the movie studios. Their presence and importance in LA is more regional and local. It goes without question that the only commodity we, the United States, is producing for mass distribution is cultural. Yet, even the industry's hegemonic mentality is in question when so many new, fresh ideas are happening and being produced overseas. Rarely have we seen more adaptations being imported from foreign entertainment entities for domestic distribution. We only need to say, "American Idol," that phenomenon which was, and still is, a hugely successful British import. Again, we've reached a new nadir in our cultural development if variety shows from Great Britain are being imported to such great success. What's next, a round of French imports for our viewing pleasure?

We were not in New York that fateful day. However, the image of the first plane, and then the second plane being driven into those gleaming towers are indelible. Numbness was what we, as a country, felt during those 30 some hours as most of us sat glued in front of the television watching the round the clock news coverage. The pain and grief came later in waves as each of us came to understand that we had walked through a door, of sorts, where life was never going to be as innocent as it had seemed before this day, six years ago.

That January, my husband and I came to the city, and made our way to Ground Zero. The site of all those photos of those missing, posted by desperate family members, on every available wall space still makes me tear up. By this time, ground zero had become a strange stop for those wanting to take in the full scope of what had happened that day and the weeks and months post 9-11. For me, it was a moment to acknowledge all that had been lost, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and politically. Our son, conceived during this trip, was for us a testament to all the good that was still possible in the world. Instead of buying into an understandable cynicism, we, my husband and I, found the courage and hope to bring a new life into this world. I know, what were we thinking, you might ask? And on some days, we ask ourselves the same question.

My plan for tomorrow is to bake a chocolate Bundt cake to drop off at our neighborhood fire house. It is my small way of acknowledging all those men and women, whose entire life is to help others, such a contrast to most of ours. I don't know if I will be able to watch all the endless news stories that will mention this anniversary--all of it cliched. Or it may just be another day of school for my son followed by his Tae Kwon Do class, the ordinariness the only way to reassure us that the world is still safe, that danger does not lurk behind every corner.