House guests!

It is an accepted expectation and burden once you own a summer home you will have visitors. I've heard, although yet to be substantiated, that people, relatives--even the most distant--, and acquaintances all vie for an invitation to come out and stay once word gets out you have a place in whatever idyllic setting it may be. I find this idea of visiting someone during their vacation, well, odd, really. It isn't as if those who come have invited us to join them on their holiday to the Hawaiian islands or some other far flung resort. Yet, this expectation that friends will come stay for free seems universal for those who have homes where visitors want to come.

During our time here, even when we were, ourselves, renters, we have had a flurry of guests come and stay--all free of charge. There are some friends, whose visit is simply a part of our annual ritual on this island. When we were in LA, it offered us an excuse to catch up with those whom we love, but don't get to see very much because of the sheer distance. But all the others, well, we are fond of our friends, but the idea of having them sprawled in your living room all week, waiting for meals to be served is too wearying even for this 'wannabe cruise director.'

We, as a family, have decided on a family 'one time only' rule. If you've been to visit once, your next visit should occur at your own rental or one of those lovely B&B's all over the island. If you have fallen so head long in love with this place, an easy thing to happen, then please avail yourself to the countless websites for rentals. We would love to have you over for dinner, meet up with you at the beach, have the kids run around in our meadow. Obviously, this rule doesn't apply to family members, who are expected to come, stay, and make a nuisance of themselves since they are family.

Since I've had the occasion to have hosted countless visitors, I've amassed a list of 'dos and don'ts' for those who want to come visit anyone. So, I will start with the Do's, a much shorter list.

-Do help out during meal times whether setting the table, stirring sauces, or simply standing around with a wine glass in hand offering company for the cook.
-Do offer to pay for something, even if the offer is rejected by the host.
-Do bring a very nice hostess gift--it's not what you bring, so much as the idea of this gesture that is paramount to setting a tone for your stay.
-Do clean up after yourself more assiduously than you would at home.
-Do offer to babysit, so your host can have an evening off--again, this will be rejected, but it is the gesture that matters.
-Do rent a car and plan activities that are for you and your family--never, never, expect chauffeuring duties to be included in your visit.
-Do follow all rules of the house, particularly pertaining to rules for children.
-Do offer dish washing duties nightly, even if rejected by your host.
-If babysitters are used, offer to help pay since it is more than likely your child was 'watched' in the process.
-Do invite your hosts for a visit to some place you are thinking of going, even if this offer is never taken seriously.
-Do leave a thank you note and a little token before you leave the house. Again, it is the gesture that is important.

The list of 'dos' are not as exhaustive as the list of 'don'ts.' We have some great family stories of people who have visited, whose conduct during their stay has helped create this exhaustive list.

-Don't let your child rule the roost--if your little one is known around your home as Emperor, it is advised to not let him or her run the show during your visit. This would mean the parents should spend all of their energies, making sure their Emperor or Empress is sharing, is not demanding, is following proper protocol of being a visitor in someone else's house.
-Don't go around changing things in the house, like moving furniture out of the way because your Emperor or Empress might hurt themselves in their frenzy to be the center of attention.
-Don't impose your differing parenting philosophies on to your hosts. If you don't believe your child has to share since you are raising the next Ted Turner or Rubert Murdoch, well, do force your child to make this concession during your time.
-Don't let your rigid food issues--other than severe allergies--be a source of consternation and anxiety for the hosts. If you don't like to eat meat, for whatever particular issue, just eat everything but the meat. If what the hosts serve is too offensive for your picky sensibilities, then go out and get your own food, which you should prepare once the kitchen is empty.
-Don't leave your rooms a mess each time you leave the house.
-Don't sit around sipping cocktails when you see your hosts working hard doing things for your comfort.
-Don't bring two kids and have only one parent be the one in charge. If you have two, then both parents should be actively parenting. For those with families where kids outnumber the parents, well, good luck since it is unlikely you will get invited to this house.
-Don't take over the house by having your things all over the place.
-Don't invite yourself to every outing your hosts may need to be attending--remember they are longtime residents here, so they will have occasions when they will need you to be self sufficient.
-Don't expect your hosts to drive you around, for whatever reason.
-Don't use up the last of house hold items without replacing it. Remember things on the island are three times the price of things you usually pay for at your neighborhood Costco.
-Don't invite others over to your hosts' home, for whatever reason. If you have others you know here, then meet them out.
-Don't hog up the home computer. If you need to stay connected to work or friends, bring your own equipment.
-Don't be a couch potato, if that is your idea of a vacation.
-Don't leave your dirty dishes in the sink, ever.

I'm sure as the years progress, we will be adding to this list. Those you hold with much affection don't necessarily translate into commendable house guests. We have had our range of great visitors--those usually get invited back--to the most horrifying. Again, we're waiting for that invitation for us to join our friends on one of their vacations, something that has yet to happen. We're quite happy to go to Puerto Rico--we are on the East Coast now--or any other tropical locale as guests of others.