Asian Food Anyone?

My mother arrived yesterday bearing a box full of Korean food stuff. This island is paradise, indeed. However, the dearth of Asian foods offered is, for an Asian girl, quite shocking. For many years, there were two Chinese restaurants, one that looked dirtier and dingier than the most greasy Chinese fast food place in any other city. The other in Edgartown looked less dirty, but was always empty. I still don't know how either place stays in business since both still exist. We never ventured into either place until one July 4th when we were desperate to feed our son and went into the one that was cleaner. The meal was not memorable other than the fact the food was like food in most Chinese restaurants--greasy.

A few years ago, we noticed 'sushi chefs' being placed in various restaurants with menus offering fried seafood and French fries. I was skeptical, but was desperate for something Asian, so I went to the seafood store to order a spicy tuna roll made by the Vietnamese chef. It wasn't offensive, but the price was steep enough for it to be as good as anything on the menu of Chef Morimoto's restaurant. This year marked another turning point for the island, as it catches up with the rest of the world, with the first Thai restaurant opening on Circuit Avenue. Again, the food isn't memorable, but will suffice when I'm starved for something with a bit of spice.

My mom brought enough food with spice to tie me over till I get off the island. My son, who prefers Korean food, is beside himself with the anticipation of what my mother has brought to feed her only grandson. She is making him Kim Bap, the Korean version of sushi. I used to buy this in any supermarket in Korea town, but will now have to make for him since New York's Korea town is one short block on 32nd.

It is breathtaking to watch your mother shower your child with so much affection. In some ways, it is a relief to have her attentions focused on someone other than me. Her unadulterated joy in her grandson has healed any, and all, wounds that we may have inflicted on each other as we negotiated the challenging terrain of mothers and daughters. I'm grateful she's alive and healthy enough to enjoy this time with my son, for them to create memories together. I can see the wonder in her eyes as she watches me 'mother' my child--a role that is hard for her to connect with her baby. There is, of course, some judgment about how I do it. But all in all, I think she is amazed and proud that I am an attentive parent.

Most of us spend our lives trying to undo whatever patterns and traditions our parents foisted on us, for better or worse. If your relationship with your parents was fraught with drama, then the need to undo it all can consume all of your focus. This need to redo, rather than undo, takes on new significance when you have your own child. They say raising a child is a way for us to redo our childhoods, making up for whatever we felt had been lacking. The Boomer generation has spent their entire adulthood, most profoundly noticeable in the raising of their children, demolishing the strictures of their rules laden upbringing. Whether such a thorough demotion has produced a happier outcome still remains to be seen. Their children may now spend their adulthood trying to create more rules and boundaries in an attempt to gain some control over their lives.

For me, my child's entrance has brought such a yearning to recreate the special memories of my own childhood. And this island was one piece in that need. My parent's participation is another piece since I never knew either set of grandparents. My son will, without doubt, spend his life trying to undo or redo whatever we had done. This island may be the only part of his life that he may want to replicate for his own kids--notice the use of the plural here since I'm always hoping he'll have a large brood for me to shower with love. That's what is so ironic about all of this. Grandparenting seems to be the time when you relinquish all of your expectations and just revel in loving, something parenting doesn't allow. So, I'm grateful to have given my parents this opportunity to be grandparents since it is a way for them to forgive themselves of whatever disappointments they may have about their own parenting of me--their child.